


F*ck The Rules

by how_about_no



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Crack, Insecure Simon, POV Alternating, Self-Discovery, Self-Hatred, Simon-centric, Team Dynamics, Vampire Simon, Vampires, i sort of made up vampire rules, i went traditional rather than tmi universe, squad goals, they all love each other okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-18 00:15:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7291867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/how_about_no/pseuds/how_about_no
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The five times Simon tried to bend vampire rules, and the one time he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	F*ck The Rules

**Author's Note:**

> So I sort of made up the vampire rules for this bit. There isn't a lot of detail about what vampires can and cannot do in the books or the series, so I went with the basics, along with stuff I DO know is book canon.  
> I just want Simon to love his vampire self and for everyone to love him, okay?

I. Garlic

“Simon, you’re being ridiculous.” Clary had her arms crossed, trying to be assertive, but her best friend wasn’t having it. He was staring down the plate of garlic bread like a man ready for war.

Everyone had gathered round in the werewolf den to watch Simon take on his latest battle. It was like he was trying to challenge _every rule_ there was concerning vampires. Izzy was biting her lip, as if trying to hold back shouts of encouragmenet. Jace was sat next to Simon in the booth, looking between the plate and vampire like he was watching some fucked up tennis match. Alec looked bored, but even he couldn’t deny that when Clary told him what Simon was going to do, he bolted off the sofa and sprinted to the dining area to see. Even Raphael was stood with them, looking at Simon curiously, fascinated by his idiocy, probably.

“It’s been twenty minutes since I took my antihistamines, right?” Simon asked, still glaring at the plate.

“Yes,” Clary pushed through gritted teeth, “Do you have a freaking death wish? You can’t eat garlic, even Raphael said there’s no way.”

“I said no one has been stupid enough to try it.” Raphael corrected, a smirk on his face that said he would find it hilarious to watch Simon suffer. It took a lot of will power to not punch him in the face like she did Camille.

“Which means he _shouldn’t.”_

“I’m going in.” Simon lifted the first piece with a determined glint in his eye, holding it up like it was the holy grail. Clary threw her hands up and stalked out of the room, hearing Jace and Alec cheering Simon on even from outside.

 

“Do I have to say I told you so?” Clary said to Simon when he finally woke up on Magnus’ couch, having easily been cured when he started foaming at the mouth.

“Worth it.” He grinned, and Clary couldn’t help but smile back.

 

 

II. Sunlight

“Okay, this lot has to get the job done.” Simon struggled with the zip of the third coat he was wearing. It was a size 20, and only just fit over the vet top, T shirt, hoodie, sweatshirt and other two coats. Plus, the fact he was wearing thermal leggings, normal leggings, skinny jeans, then combat trousers meant he couldn’t move very easily. Eventually, Jace had to step in to do the zip up for him, then put the balaclava over his head, along with a beanie and a helmet because Simon was wearing three pairs of gloves which made it difficult. Two pairs of socks were all he could fit on, even though he chose his biggest pair of shoes for the task. Jace stepped away again, and looked Simon up and down to see if there was any exposed skin.

“I think you’re good.” He said, crossing his arms.

“Goggles.” Alec passed the blacked out goggles they bought earlier to him and Jace clicked his fingers.

“Of course.” He had to take off the helmet and beanie to get them over Simon’s head, then smacked them into place which made Simon reel his head back.

“Ouch,” He complained, probably frowning but it was hard to tell because of how his face was literally completely covered, “Can you put the hats back on?”

“Please.” Jace raised an eyebrow, but complied. Finally, he moved away from the boy and checked again, “We good?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Alec crossed his arms, then pouted in concentration, a weird thing he hadn’t stopped doing since he was a kid, “I mean, this is a stupid idea but this is the best we can do.”

“I’ll be fine.” Simon’s grin was still visible, “Thank you guys for not telling Clary about this.”

“Just make sure we don’t have to tell her you died, okay?” Jace nudged Simon towards the door, and the boy sort of waddled, like a penguin, until he could reach the handle.

“Here goes.” He swung it open, then stepped outside, into the sunlight, “It worked!” He spun in an awkward circle, his clothes restricting his movement.

“We’re geniuses.” Jace stated, holding his hand up for a high five. Alec met him in the middle with a small smile that he would probably deny later.

“Oh,” Simon stopped moving, “Oh no,” He started hobbling back to the door, “Nope, _nope, NOPE.”_

He lept in, landing on both Alec and Jace, sending them all tumbling the floor.

“SHUT THE DOOR!” Jace yelled, and Alec, with his freakishly long leg, kicked it closed. They all sighed with relief.

“Okay,” Alec said, “You can get off of us now, vampire.”

“Sure, _shadowhunter.”_ Simon mocked the use of his species rather than his name, then tried to stand up. He couldn’t.

“Oh, for _fu_ -” Jace grumbled, then grabbed one of Simon’s arms and pulled him into a standing position, easily getting up himself too. He unzipped Simon’s jacket, and both he and Alec helped the boy take off all of the unnecessary layers, until they saw just a crispy Simon in a T shirt and skinny jeans. No one wanted to see him in just thermal leggings. No one.

“It worked at first,” Simon frowned at the pile of clothes by his feet, “Then my head felt like it caught fire and I could feel my skin burning so- conclusion, clothes don’t protect vampires from sunlight.”

“Damn.” Jace frowned.

“I retract my high five.” Alec stated.

 

 

III. Religious Symbols

“You sure you want to do this?” Izzy frowned, the cross held tightly in her fist. Simon nodded vigorously.

“Lay it on me.” He held his hand out, and Izzy searched his face for a moment before shrugging and bringing the cross down. She pressed it into his skin, and watched him for a reaction. He simply smiled at her.

“Nothing.”

“Try this!” Clary shouted and threw something that Izzy easily caught with her free hand. She opened her palm and saw a little pendant with the star of David on it. With a quick glance at Simon to see if he was up for it, she touched it to the back of his hand.

“ _Shit!”_ Simon ripped his hand away from her and cradled it to his chest, gaping.

“Raphael said it only works for your religion.” Clary smirked, “Good luck trying to get out of that one.”

“Oh my G-” Simon choked on the word.

“And that one.” Clary winked before walking away again. Izzy blamed how cocky she was on all the time she had been spending with Jace, then tilted her head.

“You’re not going to stop are you.” She assumed Simon knew it was directed at him despite her not looking at him.

“Nope.”

 

 

IV. Holy Water

Simon was sat at the dining table when Alec came back. He still hadn’t quit, and Alec couldn’t blame him. He always tested limits of his ability, and so was Simon. It was human side of his’s curiosity. Holy water wasn’t hard to get a hold of anyway. He didn’t let Simon know that.

“Here.” Alec placed the glass in front of Simon, and made sure his face was blank so the boy didn’t know how excited he was about seeing what would happen. No one had really done experiments like this, because no one cared about vampires enough to find out.

“Okay,” Simon took in a deep breath, then started muttering to himself, “I don’t believe in G-” He choked, “I don’t believe in G-” Again, “I don’t believe in G-”

He reached a hand out for the glass.

“I don’t believe in G-” He brought the rim to his lips, “I don’t believe in G-” He took a sip, then brought the glass away again, apprehension in his eyes, “I don’t believe in- _oh, FUCK!”_

Magnus clicked his fingers from where he was reading on the other side of the room, and Simon stopped choking, a hand gripping his throat.

“You keep disappointing me.” Is all Alec bothered saying before he went to sit with Magnus.

 

 

V. Permission To Enter

Magnus was doing his nail when Simon texted him. He wasn’t really sure how the boy got his number, nor why his name was saved in Magnus’ phone, but didn’t bother questioning it.

**_Sherman_ **

_Could you leave your door open for a bit??? If you hear anything don’t say a word im testing a theory_

He had rolled his eyes, then simply replied-

_Don’t break anything_

-before unlocking and opening his door. It wasn’t normal for him to be this trusting with people, but somehow Alec and his little squabble of children had managed to worm their way under Magnus’ skin.

Twenty minutes later, he heard a crash coming from his living room. He quickly ran in, not saying anything in case it was Simon, but also keeping his magic at his fingertips in case it wasn’t.

The sight that he saw was both odd and amusing.

“Why does it _hurt?”_ Simon was on the floor, on his back, clutching his head with his eyes screwed shut.

“Get _out,”_ Magnus picked the boy up and helped him over the threshold, “My God, you could’ve died. Are you an idiot?”

“Kind of.” Simon rubbed at his temples, then finally opened his eyes, looking at the doorframe like it personally offended him, “I thought if the door was open I could come in uninvited.”

“That’s not how it works.” Magnus leant against the wood, “This is about more than you not being able to do these things, isn’t it?”

“How do I say it?” Simon crossed his arms, frowning at Magnus like he had accused him of something horrendous. Something like pity bloomed in Magnus’ chest. Or was it empathy? He wasn’t really sure.

“Say what?”

“ _Go-”_ Simon gasped for breath, clutching his chest. With a sudden surge of protectiveness, Magnus put a hand on Simon’s shoulder, meeting his eyes.

“Believe that you are not a monster.”

Simon just set his lips in a thin line and walked away.

 

 

VI. God

Simon walked for miles. It was the middle of the night, no risk of being caught in the daylight. He stared at the stars, thankful that he could see those at least. Then he wondered, why don’t the stars burn him? The sun is just another star, so why don’t millions of them far away affect him like one close up does. He shook his head, moving his gaze to his shoes, that was something he probably shouldn’t think about.

There was a shout of pain and anguish somewhere to his right. He couldn’t really tell how close it was because of his new enhanced hearing, but ran towards it anyway, refusing to ignore it despite his uncertainty. The person screamed again, so he ran faster, sure there was something bad happening. Eventually, he found the source of the noise in a back alley by a few closed takeaways. Some guy was holding a girl against the wall, breathing on her neck, and Simon could smell the alcohol from here.

“Hey!” Simon shouted, stalking towards him, trying to use was little height he had to make himself look threatening, “Get the hell away from her.”

“What are you going to do about it?” The man growled, and Simon grabbed his shoulders, throwing him to the other side of the alley with a thud. Him being a monster came in handy sometimes. That was what he was, a monster, no matter what Magnus seeded him with.

The man stood up and scrambled away like a scolded dog with its tail between its legs.

“Are you okay?” Simon asked the girl, careful to keep his distance so she knew he wasn’t a threat. Not that he was sure he wasn’t.

“Yeah,” She let out a huge breath, the air filling with steam, “Thank you. Not a lot of people would’ve stopped for me. _Thank you.”_

“Anyone would.” Simon insisted, but the girl shook her head.

“No, they wouldn’t.” She insisted, then kissed his cheek, before walking away with a slight limp.

Simon’s phone rang in his pocket, breaking him out of his weird, shocked trance.

“Hello?” He said, still staring at where he had thrown the man, thinking of the words of the girl. He hadn’t even found out her name.

“Simon, where are you?” Clary’s voice filtered down the line, high and worried.

“Um-” Simon considered not telling her, but decided against it, “Down an alley. I just stopped some guy from assaulting this girl.”

“Wow, that’s-” Clary sounded surprised, “That’s really good of you, Simon.”

“Yeah,” Simon frowned, “Thank God I was around to hear it.”

“Are you coming home now or-” Clary stopped midsentence and Simon pulled the phone away from his ear to see if the line had disconnected. When he saw it hadn’t, he brought the phone back to his face to ask what was wrong, but Clary started speaking again, “What did you just say?”

“I didn’t-”

“Before I started talking.” Clary clarified.

“I said ‘Thank God I was-‘” Simon stopped, then clapped a hand to his mouth, “Oh my _God._ Oh my _GOD.”_

“You finally did it,” Clary laughed, “You finally managed to get around one of those damn rules.”

“I guess I did.”

Simon walked home with a light feeling in his chest, and a smile on his face. Maybe Magnus was right. Maybe he wasn’t a monster.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Thanks for reading.
> 
> Tumblr- girlsf0rgirls


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